Mother's Day......It can be complicated 🌷

Happy Mother's Day.  Whether you are one, or want to be one, you also have (or have had) one (or more). 

This day has been a struggle for me for a long time.  I know many of you struggle with it too - maybe for the same reason I do, or maybe because your mom wasn't a good one, maybe you've lost a child and the day is a painful reminder, or maybe because you want to become one and are enduring challenges in doing so.  For all of you, I'm sorry and I feel you. ♥️

I lost my mother to cancer 15 years ago when she was 62 and I was 36.  It was May 12 and this day (like this year) frequently ends up being ON Mother's Day.  Losing loved ones makes us mark days differently. Combine that with another day set aside specifically for Mother’s and we’ll, it was a day that I literally could not celebrate for several years.  I was angry with and irritated by all the Mother's Day emails, promotions, and celebrations around me. I was (am) grieving a mother I adored. I'm not a moody person but this day sunk me.  For days.

I AM a mother but I couldn't celebrate that day for myself either.  I have three kids. They were 1, 3 and 7 when she died.  Knowing how much she adored them and her missing the "things", the milestones as they grow into adulthood is probably STILL the hardest thing for me.  She should be here.....me being a mother only reminded me of that.

My friends joke that I'm emotionally unavailable.  It's fair - I don't like to "tap in". Yet here I sit, tears in my eyes grieving the mom I lost.  Although grief changes, its still as present now as it was then.  I'm still angry and sad and all the things.  I am also extremely grateful because I wouldn't have traded her for anything.

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” - Jamie Anderson

I know what she means.

Mother's Day can be triggering.  I have friends who have challenging relationships with their moms or no relationship (due to abuse or trauma) at all.  I have friends who haven't been able to have a child of their own biologically despite significant efforts to do so.  Many of us have something that makes this day complicated. I'm finally learning to celebrate and embrace it -  we can all celebrate the women in our lives who matter (or who have mattered) and who make a difference (or have made one).  I'll be offering up a cheers to my Mom.  I wouldn't be who I am without her.

Jody 

Handful aficionado \ CFO|COO